Me: "What's that for, ref?"
Ref: "Ungentlemanly conduct."
Me: "What did I do?"
Ref: "You're shouting too loud."
Me: "What?!"
Ref: "Shouting too loud and scaring the other players" *
Me: Laughter
Ref: "You can laugh, but if you do it again you're in the book"
Me: "Because I shouted too loud"
Ref: "Yes"
Me: "OK, so can you please tell me how I should shout?"
Ref: "Don't shout! Why do you need to shout?"
Me: "Well if I'm up in the air I want to call my team-mates off"
Ref: "But there wasn't anyone near you"
Me: "How the f##k do I know- I'm looking at the ball. What am I supposed
"to do - use sonar?**"
Ref: "I don't care... just don't do it again"
A ref barely alive. We could not rebuild him. There was later a fight in the game during which the linesman called us British players 'a disgrace'.
Key to terms:
* Other players:
Eleven of the dirtiest bleeders ever to pull on a pair of footy boots.
It's debatable whether a knife-wielding lunatic would have scared them,
never mind a balding mid-air scouser.
**Sonar:
Spooky ability to see out of one's a###hole. Kenny Dalglish had this.
